complete desperation

Unashamed Passion
Reckless Obedience
Complete Desperation

Brent Cunningham is a great friend of mine. He was my workcrew boss at the Canyon summer of '05 and that is where we first met. This man is incredible, he is so faithful and dedicated. He really loved me like a daughter. I got to spend a month with him, his wife and 2 girls whom are all incredible. He taught us to receive Christ's love; to really receive it, proclaim it aloud and to our Lord. This was so big for my relationship. Such an important piece of my foundation in my relationship with Christ.

Brent came to visit me in Eugene when I was a freshman. It was such a sweet time we shared together walking around campus. I shared with him my struggles as a freshman in a new school-- feeling like my relationship with Christ was all I had. He was such an encouragement and literally walked through it with me.

It's special when you don't see someone often but have spent a month becoming family and that's how your relationship always feels- full of unconditional love and "sweet reunions" as Brent would say. This is the beauty of workcrew, the beauty of the Kingdom, the beauty of real life and the beauty of fellowship.

Also during his visit he shared this vision with me: Unashamed passion and reckless obedience in relationship to my (our) walk with Christ. He encouraged me (us) to live this way. It is something that has stuck with me ever since. It's an important saying to me and encourages me every time I recite it. Being completely unashamed of the love you have for Christ. Having a passion in your heart that is so large and you aren't one bit ashamed of it. Being completely and ridiculously obedient. Obedient to the point that it seems reckless. I LOVE this. If we truly lived each day this way, think how much more we would stay on His path for us, and think how much more he could teach us; with the ears of our heart obediently wide open.

Last year I added Complete Desperation to the end of it as I felt like this was something I needed in my life as well. As a controller, I can't fully give myself way to God unless I am in complete desperation, on my knees, striving for Him each day. At a place of brokenness and acknowledging that brokenness daily is when I am fully living for Him.

i'll never forget

for week 1 when we stayed out in the condos and we had to take a bus everyday to and from work. once we were in camp, we were there to stay. the walk was 20-30 minutes. after our second day we had been working really hard and had an incredible fellowship time together of bonding, sharing and receiving Christ's love, we came outside to find no bus to take us home. it was dark, it was late and we were tired. Nights in the Canyon in the summer are incredible. The blistering hot sun has gone away but the ground is left with the warmth from the day, the sky is clearer than you ever knew it could be and there is such a peace that rings through the valleys. We took this as another great opportunity to bond and share a moment together as a work crew. so we walked home. along the way we decide to learn the song we were going to sing for our workcrew presentation which was Prince of Peace. I knew this song from campaigner camp and had loved it. The girls sing one verse as the boys sing another simultaneously. The sound is beautiful and both verses are filled with great words. No one else knew this song; so on our walk home, I taught it to all the girls. We sang it over and over and over again, with our backpacks on (cause they always have our back).

You are Lord of Lords
You are King of Kings
You are mighty God
Lord of Everything
You're Emanuel
You're the Great
You're the Prince of Peace
Who is the Lamb
You're my living God
You're my saving grace
You will reign forever
You are ancient of days
You are alpha, omega, beginning and end
You're my savior, messiah, redeemer and friend


You're my Prince of Peace
And I will live my life for You

energized

I love being energized by God and the ways in which He is moving. This weekend at Breakaway they talked a lot about the "breaking point" that you get to on work crew. The girls were asking me if this was true and if so what it was for me. I don't think I ever really had a "breaking point" I learned a lot and looking back even more so now I see how much I learned. I explained to them that I thought for me it was more of point where I knew I couldn't move my muscles in the morning if I didn't have Jesus helping me.

I remember one night in particular when we worked after dinner up until club started (back in those days the new club room wasn't built and the left side of the Iron Kettle was the club room :) ) and we had to take a break while club was in session. So to pass the time we went out to the lawn to wait in the dark. We were so exhausted, had worked hard all day but had this unreal amount of energy. Allison and I were doing cartwheels and Chris was telling his jokes that rocked. We were dying laughing and having so much fun bonding together as a Dining Hall staff. I remember thinking to myself "why do we have so much energy right now"? There is no other reason we could be happy or laughing or had the energy to finish busing tables and doing breakfast pre-sets without Jesus's strength guiding us and there for us to lean on.

It is a crucial lesson to learn. Once I experienced it physically I knew it would be there to get me through anything emotionally, spiritually or relationally. He IS there and does want us to lean on Him and rest in Him.

I go backkk....

"I go back to a two toned short bed Chevy
Drivin my first love out to the levvy
Livin life with no sense of time
And I go back to the feel of a fifty yard line
A blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine
Wishin time would stop right in its tracks
Everytime I hear that song, I go back"

Every time I hear that song I go back to sitting on the old club room "bleachers" after we've worked our tails off to the point of our legs feeling as if they were about to fall off. Feeling so dead tired with the most energy we've had in our lives. We would juice punch out our favorite juice on tap into our white cups and wait to say the lines and sing along to the program and their songs. All sitting in a row like the most behaved group of 2nd graders, kicking our feet back and forth hitting the bleacher backs made of carpet. Every time I hear that song, I go back. I go back to that feeling that I will never forget. The best family you've ever had for the shortest amount of time. Remembering back to day 1 and not understanding how our hearts weren't already on the same beat. I never knew you could know someone so well. I never knew you could be so happy everyday. I never knew you could leave your life behind and not miss it for one second. I never knew you could laugh so hard at a "Brent-Dawg" story. I never knew until the summer of 2005 on Work Crew 2nd Session at Wildhorse Canyon (at the time). Thank you Brent Cunningham and the Freedom Coups and the awesome friends of mine in the D-Hall to make those 3 weeks the best of my life.